The Side Effects of Endorphins

“ hi there I’d like to make a collect call to my 20-year-old self”

“No I’ll not accept the charges.”

I reach into my pockets and grab three dusty quarters.

Hey there, 20 year-old self, there are questions people are going to ask you over and over again and that’s why I’m here speaking to you about this again.

I know you’re really tired of me visiting from the future. I know it’s kind of weird and it’s a feature. I must’ve paid for in an application I’m using. And an application isn’t something you think it is. but let us not belabor the point because you will be filling out many applications.

I realize you’re 20 years old right now and you’re hopelessly in lust with a girl you were working with at the hardware store. When your mother asked you over and over again, what you were going to do if she ended up pregnant, your answer was not so bright. Luckily, you two split up and there was no need to get married at twenty.

I would like to talk to you about what you would like to focus your career on. I’m going to tell your dumb ass that business is not what you will have a passion for. You will come to not enjoy capitalism and the greed it entails. Do something interesting, go into the arts or mathematics or oceanography.

But if you do go to a business school, make a difference and try to make a change. Maximizing shareholder wealth is not the only thing on the planet.

Every time you go to the grocery store, return the shopping cart, exactly where they came from.

I know you just graduated from a State University. For the most part, you were a number there and you got your degree. If you have children., encourage them to go to a smaller school.

This is no dress rehearsal this your life. Don’t be afraid to fail. You’re going to fail often and there’s no shame in failure. By all means, go to other countries and speak their language. Do the best you can you’ll be better for it.

And you know that cast-iron skillet, that your mother gave you. Take it with you wherever you go. You’re going to make some amazing meals with it.

The last thing I’m going tell you is, if some weirdo from the future starts talking to you,  don’t offer them a cigarette. I know it was a short-lived habit of yours, as a cup of tea will serve fine.

“ Please put another quarter in the phone”