The Side Effects of Endorphins

The hard years in retrospect could have been a lot of fun. When my wife of thirteen years asked me for a divorce it was the most terrifying thing in my life. I was a living breathing basket case barely functioning and I was a burden to most.

Or at least it felt that way at the time. It is a period in my life, where I felt the entire world crumbling around me.

Boy did I make some poor dating choices in that period. I had a few rebound flings, and did not eat properly. Who knows what got me through.

I sit here today in Mainz with my daughter and son many years later and I am pretty sure what got me through.

During that period my weight went down twenty pounds. I had a group of friends that I ran with all the time. We would run fast, we would run for hours and we had fun along the way. Without even thinking about it I got myself in great shape. My buddy Dan and me went to Sacramento to run the California International Marathon. I intended to pace my friend, an elite runner, and help her qualify for Boston. I ended up running a 3:03 marathon that day. I easily qualified for Boston. I remember finishing and calling the kids knowing I emerged on the other side.

I wrote of this earlier in a fictional piece based on a conversation I wish I had earlier.

I see both of us happy and successful. We will have a great run of play. I picture you sitting in a restaurant visiting our children wherever they decide to live. I assume that will be somewhere in Europe. Given my citizenship that will be in Germany. It is a wonderful place to get an education. “
“Let me get this straight. You see us having two children and I am visiting them without you. I assume you think we will not be together then.”
She smiled flirtatiously and raised her eyebrow once again.

“And we are going to have two children?”

“That’s my gut feel.”
I sat and looked back at where the moon once sat in the western sky. A gentle warm rain started to fall. I sat and stared, taking in the absolute beauty of this warm spring evening.

“That sounds good to me.”

In retrospect it makes perfect sense and concludes with an axiom I find words to live by.

A few years later I was driving home from an indoor soccer game. I had broken a rib in that match and winced noticibly but these words touched me to the core.

Oh oh oh

I can taste the ocean on your skin
That is where it all began
We all go back to where we belong

I was at peace.