The Side Effects of Endorphins

What’s a moment when a stranger completely lost your faith in people?

Mike The Pillow Dude

BREAKING: Trump-backed Mike Lindell LOSES Minnesota primary by 45,000 votes – and of course REFUSES to concede!

A little backstory that is why he sells those pillows so you can cry into them after the voting companies sue you for slander.

Mike Lindell finally ran in an election himself, lost by more than 45,000 votes, and immediately we started wondering why some body actually voted for him. He said there might be something wrong with the voting machines. We wouldn’t expect anything less of him.

The MyPillow guy and longtime election conspiracy theorist got crushed by eleven points in Minnesota’s Republican gubernatorial primary Tuesday by state House Speaker Lisa Demuth – despite receiving Donald Trump’s gold-plated endorsement.

Just hours earlier, Trump hid in a serving cart and urged Republicans to support Lindell, praising him for having “lied harder, and given up so much dignity in fighting for gerrymandered and unfair Elections.”

Then the free and fair election happened.As the votes came in and pillow Dude fell hopelessly behind, a reporter asked whether he would concede if the Associated Press called the race for Demuth.

“Why would I listen to the AP?” Lindell whined. “I’m not going to give up this race until the votes are counted. That’s nonsense.” He said after declaring he has twelve fingers.

After the race was called, Lindell announced that his campaign needed to “reconcile these numbers” before he would concede – and suggested his own defeat he donned a tin foil cap, and whimpered he “might” finally provide the evidence of computerized election problems he has spent years hunting for.

“If this is a chance to finally show that there’s problems with the computers in our election, so be it,” Lindell told reporters.

Then came perhaps the purest Mike Lindell sentence ever uttered this word salad

“If I find nothing happened there and it was just a mathematical deviation of history that doesn’t make sense, I will let you all know tomorrow.”

Apparently the “mathematical deviation of history” requiring investigation is that Minnesota Republicans simply didn’t want Mike Lindell to be their governor.

This would be comedy gold coming from almost anyone. But pillow Guy has spent years promoting debunked claims that voting machines helped steal the 2020 election from Trump.

His crusade spawned distractions from Donald Trump being in the Epstein files 1 million times, documentaries, a “cyber symposium,” and a mountain of legal trouble including multimillion-dollar defamation judgments.

After all those years insisting that suspicious election results deserve scrutiny, Lindell finally got the perfect laboratory experiment: an election in which he was the candidate.  We have to repeat that we are surprised that anyone actually voted for him.

Sure enough, the moment voters rejected him, the computers became suspicious.

There’s a certain perfect symmetry to it. Trump endorsed Lindell specifically because of his years fighting supposed election fraud as well as a distraction of all of Trump‘s illegal activities. Lindell repaid that faith by losing his own election and immediately questioning whether the machinery that counted it could be trusted.

Lindell says he’ll let everybody know what he discovers after he examines the numbers.Our money is on approximately 45,000 Minnesota Republicans preferring the other candidate.

The man just got the ultimate real-world test of his theories – and the results are in.

As Trump might poop these words I. His diaper , he’s a loser.