Came Out Too Late

It took a while to get used to being dead. According to Chipper, it is not as bad as expected. We all die, and for those who get this note, thank you for reading.

There was a decent man named Chipper who lived his life devoted to his faith. He attended church regularly and followed all of the commandments. He had a loose interpretation of some, and used the weekly confessional as an efficient undo key. When he passed away, he was sure that he would be going to heaven. Well at least that is what he told his friends. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had lingering doubts as it didn’t all make a whole lot of sense to him. He suspected his blind faith was an impediment to him figuring it all out.

When Chipper arrived in what he perceived as the afterlife, he was surprised to find that things were not at all what he had expected. They didn’t even call it heaven and he assumed it couldn’t be hell. It was a place they called Lebensmittel. What one first noticed in Lebensmittel was there were no pearly gates or puffy white cumulus clouds to sit on. Conversely, he found himself in a massive, yellow back lit space filled with dozens of other people from every walk of life. Lebensmittel was a diverse place with not only people on many races and cultures, but also there were residents that looked like they came from other galaxies. Where the fuck was Jesus when he needed him most.

Chipper wondered aloud where God was, and the others spirits, goblins and ghouls laughed. That is Chipper’s description of them as he had interacted with very many or people of color. He had never actually met a gay person. “Haven't you figured it out yet?" one of the assorted lot said. "We are not God or what ever bill of goods you have been sold. But, essentially we are talking about the same thing.

Chipper was bewildered by this epiphany of sorts. The eternity that he had imagined was nothing but a single enigmatic space with endless possibilities, according to the band of misfits. They did seem a gay and friendly bunch. As he looked around, he saw that each of them had different ideas about how to pass the time- some danced, some painted, and others built impossible looking machines.

For Chipper , it was overwhelming. The rules and expectations that he had adhered to his entire life no longer applied to him. He had eternal freedom, and he didn't know how to use it. He was pretty sure he didn’t even want it. He didn’t know how to use it. He had a vague idea, but that idea scared him.

As the years wore on, Chipper began to explore his options, trying every activity and hobby under the sun. He started learning new languages, tinkering with machines, and composing music. Many days he didn’t even know he was dead. In the past he was intimidated by anybody who did not fit the biblical stereotype he idolized. He hadn’t talked to his brother for two decades or so just because his brother was gay. It was a mutual parting of the ways. This was nirvana for most, however he found this to pure living hell with air conditioning.

Slowly but surely, Chipper began to realize that the lack of structure in this afterlife was actually the greatest gift any spirit could receive. Once, he would have martyred himself at every turn for the sake of his religion. But now he saw that the universe was far stranger and more magical than he could have ever expected- and that creating your own rules was the only way to enjoy it. This was torture to him and how was he expected to live this way. Was this this really living.

He knew deep in his heart it was time to admit he was gay, so he could rest in peace.

But to whom. This truths become self evident in Lebensmittel. He had finally admitted to him self what he suspected all along.