The Side Effects of Endorphins

And I always have been younger, I had a fear negativity and rejection. One could delve into one’s life as a child and how we are raised. That is not the point here, as our parents were winging it just like we were.

Report Card Day

You typically bring home a report card with three A’s a B and a C in chemistry. The only feedback you get is in chemistry. There was very little introspection on why there were A’s in certain subjects and the perceived failures and others. So buried in there is the fear of presenting anything. For what is a pretty decent report card the overwhelming theme and feedback is that it’s a failure. Then armed with a less than fully developed frontal cortex, the natural conclusion is – Why present anything.

The Gal In History Class

She was a girl in my history class in eighth grade. She sat across the room from me and I found her pretty but nothing much else. We didn’t interact often. Somehow she started telling people she won’t go out with me, because she didn’t like my hair.

I don’t even know how I entered that discussion because I had never given her much of a thought before that day. Then again, I thought what’s with my hair that people don’t like? It was sort of an Afro, and that is the hair, I was born with.

Negative Feedback Hurts

Receiving negative feedback certainly hurts. Somewhere along the line one must come to the conclusion that some of the feedback doesn’t even matter. There are going to be people who don’t like the way you look, the way you talk or just you in general.

Have I Got Over It?

Who knows. I know it sounds lame but somewhere along the line I realized that it really doesn’t matter that much. And that may be another character defect all in itself. Because I don’t care that much. In a professional setting, work is work and for the most part, I work for somebody else. It’s not that important to me.

Even in the above where people judge the way you look, that doesn’t matter to me much. I rarely look in the mirror. I don’t care all that much how I appear to others what I care about is how I act to others.

The latter will keep you up at night.

The girl who didn’t like my hair, she was a racist.

It took a while to learn that, or maybe we are rewriting history.

I fight for other people subjected to that.